I remember the first time I saw Mary Shore. She was one of those people that carry a presence with them wherever they go. She had a wonderful rugged, natural beauty about her that I loved; looking at her, you knew something about her life. She had dark textured skin that told of days in the sun, and eyes that were framed by sweet trailing lines–the handiwork of years of smiling. Her hair was long and dark with greying strands (a tribute to her age), and she had a strong yet delicate stature. Her figure said that she was a mom, but her physique spoke of an adventurous, active spirit. I didn’t meet Mary until only a couple of years before her precious life was lost in a car accident. But these are things I will never forget about her. She taught me something about beauty.

The truth is that our bodies often tell a story, but there are some truths we don’t want to actually see. It goes without saying that any physical sign of aging is generally rejected in the media world, thus setting a standard of beauty that is inseparable from the appearance of youth. Attributes that may have once testified to life experience and wisdom are now worn like a scarlet letter. Wrinkles need wrinkle cream. Greying hair needs hair dye.

What is most interesting to me is how directly related many self “improvements” are to being pre-maternal. Post-baby breasts tell the story of the little ones you nursed in the dark hours of the night, and the stretch marks on your abdomen tell the tale of the nine months you carried that child inside of you. Yet when we see these things, we see something different: Imperfection that needs to be remedied. Deflated looking breasts need to be fuller and perkier. Sagging or scarred stomach skin needs to be tightened up. Flat rumps need a lift. No body part is exempt. We are willing to go to great lengths to maintain and manipulate our bodies in their natural form so that we can edit the insinuations our bodies make.

There is a natural cause and effect system in life that exists for everyone. When we go through a major life change, many times we wear it. In the same way, when we abuse our bodies, there can be visible consequences. Somewhere along the line we decided we wanted to try and rewrite that story, and we found a way to do it. We want to control the content of the message that others read when they look at us, along with our skewed interpretation we’ve developed when we look into the mirror.

I was recently talking with a friend about her future plans for her own cosmetic surgery to restore her once firm and slender tummy to its former glory. When I suggested that it might be motivated by her desire for others to see her as beautiful, she answered, “It’s not because I care what other people think. It’s because I think it’s ugly. I think it’s gross. I’m doing it for myself.” I could see that she was sincere and it made me begin to understand that it’s not as simple as insecurity and self-comparison. The more complex issue at hand is the conditional love we’ve placed upon ourselves. We can’t really love ourselves or embrace the stories our bodies tell unless they are telling the version of the truth that we are comfortable with. We have solidly converted to an unnatural and alien view of what beauty is. We want to create a fantasy-land of beauty where anyone can be anything. There is one major problem with that: It’s not reality! We are willing to put our bodies through the trauma of anesthesia, surgical lacerations, laser burns, narcotics, and painful recovery time so that we can comply.

As women, we have to love truth more than we love control if we are ever going to be able to love ourselves and others unconditionally. We have to learn to be OK with what is instead of feeding the silent beast of self-hatred by trying to force what is not. If we don’t, the original story gets lost in the pile of revisions.

I don’t want to cast a blanket of judgment upon women who have had cosmetic surgery or use a beauty regimen. No doubt there are a myriad of reasons and motivations behind a woman’s decision to alter her body as well as infinite “grey areas” within its grandiose scope. Instead, I just honestly want to encourage us as women to seriously think about our opinions on these issues, as we should with any belief or conviction we hold. My hope is that our view on our own beautification is a thoughtful one. And more importantly, that we can fully accept ourselves not only for who we really are, but also for what story our physical appearance may tell those who look upon us. When we put the pen down and stop trying to rewrite the story, we may discover and enjoy a different kind of beauty altogether.

*Photo Credits: Mary Shore pictured as a young mother. Contributed by her son, Seth Shore.

This past weekend I attended a retreat where Brennan Manning spoke. He authored the book The Ragamuffin Gospel which I read last December. I consider it as one of the greatest books to have left a deep impression on my spiritual life. After seminary, the book saved me from quitting the ministry and missions.

On Saturday afternoon, after walking him and his nurse to his cabin door, and hugging him good-bye for the afternoon, I returned minutes later, nervous, because I wanted to spend some one on one time with him. I was afraid he would say no. But I mustered up the courage, knowing that the worse he could say was “No, I’m tired.” So knowing that I would probably never get another chance with him again, I knocked and he opened the door. I said, “Do you mind if I visit with you for a while?”

“No,” he said. “Come on in.”

He walked slowly to his sofa and I sat in his chair at his desk. He said, “So…”

I answered, “I just wanted to get some advice from you. I’ve done mission work, I went to seminary at Pepperdine, I’ll be couseling missionaries and teaching at a Christian college for the first time next year. I just wanted to hear some advice you might give me.”

And this is what he said:

“Always be transparent, authentic, and seek to unite the left with the right (the right wing and left wing of the church, and he even touched on the importance of the democrats uniting with the republicans). Acknowledge that you remember the human race with their virtues and vices with admirable qualities and significant character defects. Authentic holiness, for me, means a life of compassion. Matt 5:48 reads ‘Be perfect as your father in heaven is perfect.’ Luke 6:36 reads, ‘Be compassionate as your father in heaven is compassionate.’ Scholars are saying that for the early Christians, they equated compassion with perfection; as the same. If you want to be perfect, be compassionate. When we allow ourselves to be loved, the Christian revolution will begin. What are you doing for Advent?”

I replied, “I’m not too familiar with the meaning of Catholic terms. Can you tell me what you mean when you say, ‘Advent?’”

He said, “First Advent is the first Sunday of December, and then the Fourth Advent is the Sunday before Christmas. It’s preparing your mind.”

“I’ve never done anything for Advent. Can you offer me some suggestions?”

Brennan leaned his head back and chuckled and said, “Yes. Beg God, implore God that you will look at others with compassion and write down in your journal everytime you fail to do it.”

I answered, “For what motives? To remind myself or to chastise myself?”

He said, “To make you aware. Pray for increase in hope. Hope equals relying on the promises of Jesus with expectation of fulfillment.”

I asked him for his three favorite writers and the one book from each of them he would recommend me to read. He gave me these: 1) Peter Van Breeman’s As Bread That Is Broken. 2) Ugene Kennedy’s Free to be Human. 3) Edward Schillebeeckz’s Christ the Sacrament of Encounter with God.

Here are also the Bible verses he gave me to read in my quiet time: John 15:4, 15 / Isaiah 43:1-5 / I John 4:16-19 / Hebrews 4:14-16 / Psalm 103, 131 / Song of Solomon (Songs) 2:10-14 / Luke 11:1-13 and 12:22-32 / Romans 8: 14-17 / Ephesians 1:3-10 / And then spend 20 minutes with Luke 6:36

Guest blog by Jane Friedman, publishing expert and professor of e-media at University of Cincinnati.

This is one of the best articles I’ve read on the reality of publishing. This is a lady whose blog one should follow if interested in publishing.

http://janefriedman.com/2012/01/28/start-here-how-to-get-your-book-published/ 

Guest blog by Jeremy Courtney on Preemptive Love, titled, “Remaking the World through Heart Surgery” from qideas.org

I’m sitting in a doctor’s office in Fallujah, Iraq, surrounded by doctors trying to diagnose a two-week old baby born with one of the most complex heart defects around.

“This child will probably live longer if we do nothing for her,” my American colleague says. It’s an optimist’s way of saying, “She’s going to die. There is nothing that can be done.”

Outside this small office the press is swarming: Al Jazeerah, Reuters, national news, local news. The hospital staff tells us we are the first medical team to visit Fallujah since it became synonymous with anti-American sentiments at the height of the war.

Mothers in black robes, dressed to disappear, and fathers in regal headdresses are waiting nervously outside in the hallway for their turn to see Dr. Kirk—my brother in Christ and comrade in the effort to pursue peace and reconciliation across Iraq. We are working to eradicate the massive backlog of Iraqi children waiting in line for lifesaving heart surgery.

If you’ve been awake in the last seven years, you’ve heard of Fallujah. It was the site of some of the Iraq War’s most devastating fighting, due to Al Qaeda’s stranglehold on the city. It is also the home of the infamous “Blackwater Bridge,” where private mercenaries were burned and dragged through the streets before being hung off the bridge for all to behold. For most Americans, it seems “Fallujah” embodies Iraqi hatred for Americans (and by extension, perhaps, Muslim hatred for Christians). This perceived hatred, in a predictable cycle, has kept international aid organizations, researchers, investors, artists, and religious leaders at bay.

It has even proven difficult to find a fellow Iraqi willing to travel with me to Fallujah. For two years, I tried and failed to visit Fallujah. Religious clerics, fellow aid workers, soldiers and politicians have all denied my requests. And so the cycle continues. Most of the people I asked to help me had never been to Fallujah. But they perceived it to be dangerous, so they kept me away (which, in turn, kept aid money, doctors, and potential “friends of Fallujah” away as well).

But now I’m sitting in Fallujah and because of that, I know Fallujah differently. I know fathers who love their children with the same depth of love with which I love my two kids. I know mothers who weep from fear when they learn they are pregnant, because 1-in-7 children in Fallujah are reportedly born with a birth defect. I know doctors who work extraordinary hours to care for the city’s ever-growing health needs. I know alarming rates of cancer and abortions.

Here is a principle I grapple with regularly: violence unmakes the world.

Because of this, I’ve spent the last five years living in Iraq as a civilian, indeed, as a Christian, promoting a different way to live. Instead of a preemptive strike—in which I hurt you before you can hurt me—or preemptive defense—in which I fortify myself against you before you can hurt me—I call everyone who will listen to a life ofpreemptive love. It may be debatable as foreign policy, but it is a wonderful way to live as an individual, a family, or a community.

Because we all know that violence unmakes the world. But preemptive love unmakes violence. Preemptive love remakes the world through healing.

I know this because I’ve seen God do it over and over again throughout Iraq.

Baby Noor came to us from Fallujah. Her father, Abu Noor, is Sunni Arab like almost everyone else in their neighborhood and city. Noor was in serious need of a lifesaving heart surgery and both her parents and her pediatrician were vigilant about doing whatever was necessary to save her life. Unlike so many other families who have appealed to me to save their child’s life, Abu Noor didn’t insist on the easiest option. (That is, he didn’t insist that I send his daughter to America for heart surgery).

His daughter was a perfect candidate for one of our visiting Remedy Mission teams, sent to perform heart surgeries for Iraqi children and training for Iraqi doctors in a predominately Shia province a few hours away.

Before the war, most Iraqis claim they never talked or thought about who was Sunni and who was Shia—they were all Muslims and they were all Iraqis. Whether this is true or not is arguable, but today ethnic and religious distinctions have come to matter greatly. In some areas, being a Sunni in a Shia neighborhood—or vice versa—can be a matter of life and death.

Because of this, I was unsure how Noor’s family would respond when I suggested they join us for our surgical mission, during which “enemy” surgeons would work to save their daughter’s life. Thankfully, Abu Noor is a visionary. He wanted his daughter to be healed; but he didn’t want a healthy daughter in a broken world. He actually believed Noor’s surgery could pave a way for peace between these fractured communities.

And a few days after his “enemies” brought his daughter out of surgery, he said, “We have to take this wall of fear and break it down. We are all brothers and sisters.”

The entire encounter begged the question, “Who was actually doing preemptive love?”

Obviously, the surgeons who performed a lifesaving operation acted in preemptive love. But the unsung hero was Abu Noor—the father who chose to risk it all on his so-called “enemies.” By choosing to trust in the face of fear, he allowed a new story to be written between communities at odds.

Today, hundreds gathered in Fallujah to celebrate the departure of the American military. The image of American and Israeli flags set aflame may well symbolize the final days of the U.S. military operations in Iraq. But even as they chant “Good riddance!” I am as convinced as ever: preemptive love unmakes violence and remakes the world.

The people of Iraq—no more, no less than me—are asking for preemptive love. And this is by God’s design. So just as God always acts first in creation, then reconciliation and transformation, we must humbly act first in love for others if we will be His people.

Obviously preemptive love is not restricted to heart surgery in Iraq. There are a thousand other ways today to adopt a posture of preemptive love. We can apologize to a neighbor we’ve wronged or forgive someone by whom we’ve been wronged. We can call an enemy and ask them out to coffee. And we should certainly be spending more time in conversation with “The Other” in and around our neighborhoods and churches. Like my ongoing experiences in Fallujah, preemptive love is often as simple as presence. A walk across the street or a drive across town can ease so many ills.

Even in our personal relationships we are prone to think in terms of preemptive strikes and preemptive defense. But these things do not make us stronger. They simply tear away at the foundations of trust, leaving us weaker and fractured.

Of course, preemptive love isn’t novel. We receive it in the teaching of Jesus Christ when he said, “No one has greater love than this, that one lay down his life for his friends” and “love your enemies; pray for those that persecute you.”

Wherever we find ourselves, the greatest manifestation of the rule of God in our lives is the way of preemptive love. Preemptive love affirms the biblical message that there is hope for creation and allows us to join in God’s work of making all things new. Because violence does unmake the world. But preemptive love unmakes violence. Preemptive love remakes the world through healing.

“Russell, when are you going to settle down and get married?” and ”You’re not going to get married if you don’t date.” -Occasional random comments from family and friends.

There is a rule in my life: My life’s priority is not to be married. And for some reason that severely frustrates people in my life.

Our society, I feel, needs to be reminded that Romantic love and even Marriage is not the be all and end all of existence. Marriage is a choice, not a default. Yet people think it’s just something we’re supposed to do.

America’s divorce rate is near 55% now, and this counts for the people who actually go through with the divorce. The statistic does not record those who wish divorce but choose not to. I’m afraid that we are entering marital covenants with preconceived notions, expectations, and (worse of all) entitlements, that are unrealistic.

If we want to be married, we must be the type of person we want our spouse to be: Patient, Joyous, Merciful, Kind, Gentle, Selfless, Self-Controlling, throughout everyday life, every hour of every day. Marriage is not the next step after dating. (Define dating: Outings with someone, or time spent with someone to decide if that person should be a life long partner in a marital covenant.)

When one is not happy with the life of the other, one tends to say, “Oh, when we get married, I can change him or her.” No. We enter marriage so that we can express love toward another human being as they are, not as We want them to be, or to cure OUR loneliness, or because WE want to have children, or because WE want someone to fix us. Absolutely not. Marriage is not about “Me. Me. Me.” That attitude is exactly why many marriages fall apart.

Marriage’s number one priority is for us to enter it so that we will offer love. We wake every morning with the mindset, “Today I will place my spouses desires and needs above my own.” That’s quite a responsibility. It’s perhaps one of the greatest responsibilities on the planet. Marriage is a reciprocating relationship, of course. There is giving and receiving. But this willingness to be self-sacrificial at all times, let’s send that message out to people. That’s what people need to hear.

When marriage is viewed in this light, it will be obvious that some people should never get married.

We have loneliness, and we think marriage will cure this? Marriage doesn’t cure loneliness. Find other ways to cure loneliness. We want to be married in order to have children? How many orphans are in the United States right now? Lots. Can we find them a home while we’re single? Can we open our home to an orphan? There’s ecological issues, economical, social, political, and religious issues. And people don’t feel like they are needed in the world. I just hang my head. Come and hang out with me and my friends for a while. We’ll show you all kinds of avenues where you could engage.

There are so many things we accomplish while we’re single, so much to help the world. There are needs everywhere. Like Buechner said, “Your calling is where your passion and the world’s deep hunger intersect.”

We encounter people all the time who are unsatisfied and unhappy and think that reason is because they’re not married. All their life they have heard, “Get marriage and be happy.” If we’re single and our life is unhappy or unsatisfactory, it’s not because we’re not married or because we don’t have a dating partner to love on. It’s because we are simply unhappy and unsatisfied. And if we enter marriage because we think being married will fill those holes, we need to stay single because we have the wrong impression as to what marriage is. Marrying in hopes that our spouse will fix our issues isn’t fair to him or her. (I am not implying we must be perfect or fully mature.)

Let’s enter marriage offering a retreat for our spouse, not handing them a list of personal issues we need help fixing. If we do this, we’re creating a disaster that will eventually take its toil on every other part of our life as well as the people who care about us.

If I ever get married, it’s to pour my love out for that person. And there will be no other reason. All other reasons such as children or to have a help mate, are secondary.

Please do not misunderstand me. I’m not bashing Marriage or Romantic love. I’m saying that we need to stop living as if Romantic love is the reason we exist. The world needs help. Our spouse, if we decide to marry, needs our help. So help him or her. Look around you. We are surrounded by needs and movements, problems and solutions to implement, we are even surrounded by people who love us and would die for us. And all these avenues are begging for our attention, care, concern. And we mope around because we haven’t found someone else? Let’s get out and do something or help someone we already love. Let’s stop dwelling on our losses or what we don’t have. That’s pride and ego.

I studied Psychology as an undergraduate. And we learned that our minds will literally transform for the better if we apply this concept of “Dwelling on the positive.” It’s in the realm of Cognitive Psychology. Test it. For one week, every day, write down at least three things you’re thankful for. And see if you’re not happier throughout the week. You’ll change. Trust me.

So to all my single brothers and sisters. If we’re dissatisfied with life because we’re not married, we’re not ready for marriage. The fact that we’ve become dissatisfied with life because we’re single is proof that we’re not ready. Love is action and can be exercised toward every single person we already have in our life. So let’s begin there.

Marriage is a marital covenant. A sacred union that demands the utmost seriousness, dedication, attention, and utter selflessness. And I am not ready for this yet. That’s why I’m not married.

Not understanding these requirements for a martial covenant is what’s wrecking our family structure, and therefore our society. So to all of you who blame the destruction of family structure on Hollywood, politicians, religious leaders, or gay people, you missed the fact that what wrecks marriages and families is selfishness.

We sat down, me with my toasted chocolate chip bagel and hot British Breakfast tea (mixed with milk and honey). And he with his simple black coffee. Then we talked about life.

He liked to remind me that he and his wife say a prayer together every morning. It begins with “Good morning dear Jesus” and then they pray that their thoughts and actions that day will be a consecration, a “giving over to the Lord,” he says. And that if they can honor God in any way that day, allow it to be so.

Ken is a devout Catholic, from New England, and lived most of his life as a financial advisor for large industries. During his retirement, he spent a number of years traveling the world with his wife. He conversed about politics and spirituality with monks in Asia, and hung out with Eskimos on the Porcupine River in Alaska.

Now, married to a young woman of age 70, they enjoy Tuscaloosa and life with their children and grandchildren. When I mentioned frequently if Ken would take his wife a bagel on his way home, he always smiled the smile of a newlywed.

Ken left a voicemail on my phone two days ago, recommending a book to me. He said, “The Lazy Person’s Guide to Investing” by Farrell, because I asked for the title of the best investment book he ever read.

Of all the wise sayings Ken spoke to me, I penned these on a wrinkled Panera Bread receipt. Ken refers to these as his 5 steps in living life with vision and passion.

Aware, Excited, Prayer, Share, Consecrate.

How do we apply these to an event or vision in our life? Below is an example where Ken led me through his 5 steps, as I debated whether or not to take the job at Revolution Pictures in Nashville.

“Russell, the most important part about this invitation to Nashville is that you are aware. You are aware that the position was offered. And you are aware that you are interested in the position. Next is, ‘Are you excited about it?’”

“Yes, I’m excited about it,” was my response.

“Great. Now that you’re excited about it, have you prayed about it?”

“Yes, Sir. I’ve prayed about it.”

“Great. Now, take the idea, the vision, the invitation, your desires, share it with people. Have you done this?”

“Yes, Sir. I’ve shared it with close friends and family.”

“And they liked the idea?” he asked.

“Yes, Sir. No one is opposed. They all think the idea is a good one.”

“Great,” he said. “Now consecrate it.”

“Consecrate?” I asked.

“Yes. You offer it to God and tell Him that it is His to do with it as He pleases. Give it over to Him, go to Nashville, and trust that He will guide you and be with you along the way.”

I miss Ken a lot.

In closing, here are five questions he said I should ask while taking on new projects:

1. What is the problem?

2. What do I want?

3. What is required?

4. What is the cost? Monetary, time, energy…

5. When is the sign-off? There has to be a quitting time.

1. God, Your will be done in my life, not mine; no matter what happens.

2. Close and lock the doors You do not want me to enter. Open the doors You do and please wave an orange flag above them.

3. Help me to see people and all of Your creation with the same eyes as You.

4. Do not remove obstacles or barriers from my path, but teach me and journey with me in climbing them, breaking through them, and/or working around them.

5. A great story always involves Conflict and then an excellent Resolution. Therefore, help me to live a life where I experience both.

Elaboration:

1. If God is Infinite and knows the intimate stories of all humans who have ever lived, if He created me and knows how my genes, mind, body, soul, and life experiences (and how they all work together), and if He loves me and wants the best for me, why in the world would I not pray this prayer?

2. Simple fact: I need help. What if a soldier at war must pass through a field, and he knows an enemy has placed land mines in that field, and his Captain actually saw where the enemy placed the land mines, and the Captain even has a map of where each land mine has been placed…Why in the world would the soldier not ask for the Captain’s assistance?

3. Perhaps I can better understand good, evil, and my role in a world where there is a mixture of good and evil.

4. As is noted in prayer number 5, this is how we grow stronger.

5. I don’t want to live a life that is sub par with what it could be.

To compare great things with small, the flowers wither, the bubbles break, the clouds and sunsets pass, for the very same holy reason (in the degree of its application to them) for which the Lord withdrew from His disciples and ascended again to His Father- that the Comforter, the Spirit of Truth, the Soul of things, might come to them and abide with them, and so, the Son return, and the Father be revealed.

The flower is not its loveliness, and its loveliness we must love, else we shall only treat them as flower-greedy children, who gather and gather, and fill hands and baskets from a merer desire of acquisition.

-CS Lewis’ George McDonald.

I thought it only appropriate, while reviewing videos for flowers, to find one with hummingbirds.

Future of Artificial Intelligence:

Electric cars as small as bikes:

And an ordinary gardener in Brookyln: